Best of Spam – Volume 2

Welcome back to the highly anticipated SECOND installment of

Best of Spam!

::APPLAUSE::

Best of Spam is where I scour through some of my spam comments and find the real “gems”, if you will, to post for your viewing pleasure!

And now, here are the top three!

Number 3:

Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!

You might be wondering what makes this spam, since it seems to be a fairly entertaining story. There’s a lot of drama going on here! Was the little girl forever haunted by visions of hermit crabs and unable to eat at Red Lobster from that day forward? What happened to the hermit crab? What were its motivations? Ron Howard could do SO MUCH with this story!

Honestly, it was great except for the 3 spam links that accompanied it. ::sad trombone::

Number 2:

For moms and dads, an unexplained item within a kid’s possession may perhaps be a cue that items just are not proper: belts, bungee cords, dog leashes, or scarves within their sleeping rooms or guide bags. Bedroom doors which might be locked for no apparent purpose. And, all grownups have to be paying out consideration to a sudden fascination youngsters talking about or inquiring inquiries about getting unconscious..

Wait, WHAT? Just…I…WHAT?

Number 1:

For your file, Aliens truly aren’t my “thing” in any respect, therefore I had totally no preconceptions in anyway in regards to the so-called Starchild Skull. whether or not it may well definitely be extraterrestrial or human, real, or maybe a con.…

I’m imagining that this spammer is at a party. In the midst of conversation, he launches into a well-versed lecture on the Ancient Alien theory or some offshoot of archaeology. The trail off at the end is what another person hears as he quietly sidles away.

Join us next time for another thrilling installment of Best of Spam!

::APPLAUSE AND THEME MUSIC::

CURTAIN.

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What September 11 Means To Me

This isn’t going to be your average 9/11 article. So if you’re one of the people who doesn’t want to relive that day over again every year, don’t give up on me just yet.

September 11 in the United States is the anniversary of a terrible event in our country’s history. Almost 3,000 people died and countless others were emotionally scarred by what happened that day in New York. However, the anonymous quote “You never know what people are going through” applies every day and sometimes when we get caught up remembering a group event, it’s easy to forget that personal lives go on despite horrible catastrophes.

September 11 is the day my mother died.

She didn’t die in New York. She died at her home in Florida, in 2006.

My mother died on a day that I will NEVER be able to forget or pass over. Every year, the internet, tv, newspapers and just about every other form of media bring out the footage from that tragedy, even more than 10 years later, so that we can all remember the people who were killed that day. In my mind, the words “lives lost” are a huge trigger in relation to that date and the annual recounting of that tragedy plunges me into mentally reliving the most tragic week of my life over again, every year.

My mother had breast cancer. She had watched and cared for her own mother who died of brain cancer when I was 3, and mom was determined that she wouldn’t go through the same misery her own mother did, fighting and eventually succumbing to it. Mom tried several alternative homeopathic remedies in order to “shrink” or get rid of the tumor on her own. She ignored the advice of her oncologist, who suggested surgery, chemo and radiation therapy. She tried black salve, which you can find numerous videos about on Youtube. (Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.) She went on a strict vegan diet. She tried juicing. Nothing worked. The tumor just continued to grow.

By the time my sister Diana, mom’s oncologist and I finally convinced her to at least have the tumor removed, it was the size of a large tomato. I took her in to the Women’s Center in Gainesville for surgery, and afterward the surgeon took me aside to tell me they’d removed all of it they could find. He then gave me a stern look and said “I really wish she had let us take it out sooner”, to which I replied, “You’re preaching to the choir here.”

A few weeks later, a family friend called Diana to say she’d gone by mom’s house to drop some things off and said “You guys need to get down here FAST.” Diana and I took off work for a week to go stay at the house. Hospice was called in, but for the first few days they weren’t there around the clock. Mostly it was just Diana and me taking care of mom.

She was emaciated. She was gaunt and weighed probably less than 100 pounds. We had to help her to the bathroom. She rarely ate but crunched ice chips if the were offered to her. She didn’t sleep well which meant we didn’t sleep well. Diana and I took shifts at night, sitting up to make sure if mom woke and needed anything, one of us would be awake. But any time she groaned or shifted in her sleep, I would immediately jerk awake, concerned something was horribly wrong. She was in a great deal of pain most of the time. She hallucinated from the morphine, which was sometimes funny and other times very scary. There was a chair in her room that she wouldn’t look directly at because she said someone was sitting in it but she wouldn’t tell us who.

Mom hadn’t accepted the fact that she was dying. If she wasn’t in denial, she was willfully ignoring it. More than once, she used the phrase “When I get through this…” and then would mention something she would do when she wasn’t sick anymore. Diana and I would only look at each other.

I called my friend Heather, who lived 3 hours away, on the second day to wish her happy birthday and tell her what was going on. Heather immediately packed a bag and drove up to stay with us at the house, answer the phone, take food at the door, etc. I bought her a small birthday cake and we sang to her when she arrived. (Heather met my uncle Mark, my mom’s youngest brother, while she was there and they later got married.)

At one point, the Hospice nurse and two of mom’s friends took Diana and I aside and told us that it was possible mom was determinedly holding on because she felt like she had to for our sake. The Hospice nurse advised us to sit with her and tell her that if she needed to go, that it was okay and that we would be okay. So Diana and I sat with her and told her just that, as gently and lovingly as we could. It was difficult to say because it’s a hard thing to say to anyone. Mom’s reaction was to narrow her brows angrily and look at us as though we’d completely betrayed her. She didn’t respond at all.

Eventually, mom was unable to get out of bed anymore and Hospice had nurses in the house around the clock. By that time, more friends of mom’s had come to help and to relieve me and Diana because we were exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Early on the morning of September 11, 2006, when she had a moment to herself with no one to worry over her, when she was completely alone, mom let go and passed away.

I remember walking into her bedroom by myself after she died and looking at her. I was completely drained. It had been the hardest, most emotionally taxing week of my life. She had wasted away so much she didn’t look like a person any more. It was the first time I’d ever seen a dead body in real life. I was afraid but I also needed closure. It helped that it didn’t really look like my mom, even though I knew it was her. Or had been. So I walked over to her body, leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

Her skin was very cold. I’d always heard the term “deathly cold” but until that moment, I didn’t realize what it meant. It’s very hard to describe and one of the most unpleasant sensations I’ve ever felt. It startled me and my level of fear went through the roof. That act did however give me the closure I needed so badly after taking care of her almost constantly when she was at her worst. Because in that moment, I knew it was over. I didn’t run out of the room, but I walked very quickly.

For me, September 11 isn’t just a day of remembrance for an event that changed our country. It’s a brutal reminder every year of the hardest week of my life. I watched the woman who had taken care of me, tucked me in at night and tried for so many years to make sure my sister and I turned out to be good people, waste away and die in front of my eyes, fighting and denying it the entire way. If it were most other days, I would likely be able to get through it with a bit of sadness. But it’s not and that makes it infinitely harder for me.

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Being an adult is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.

I have a hard time mentally with allowing myself to have a “lazy” day or evening. Something in my brain is wired to believe that if I’m not being productive, then I’m being a failure. I’m not taking care of what needs to be done. I’m avoiding things I could and should be doing and instead am (GASP) just enjoying myself doing “nothing”.

Even being able to recognize where this mode of thinking originated from, it’s still difficult to change it. For instance, my ex-husband used to call me at work and say “Hey, whatcha doin’?” I would reply with something funny I’d found on the internet or some joke someone had sent me and inevitably his reply would be “Glad to know you’re working hard.” It was a running joke, but there always seemed to be an element of truth behind it. He had a job that required him to drive, be outside and was generally very physical, whereas I work in an office and can do most of my tasks remotely from my desk. And because I instinctively want to please people I care about, I would feel guilty for not “working hard”, even when I had downtime, because he was constantly working hard. And I am very very good at feeling guilty for things that I probably shouldn’t.

That’s not the only thing that contributed to this way of thinking, but it did have an impact. And even now, living on my own, I still feel guilty when I have evenings on the couch by myself where I do “nothing”.

“Nothing” usually means catching up on back episodes of a show on Netflix or Amazon, surfing the internet or reading a book. “Nothing” means NOT doing laundry or dishes, NOT working on the umpteen projects I have sitting around in various stages of “not finished”. “Nothing” means not being productive.

Rationally, I know it’s okay to take an evening or afternoon off and just unwind. That it’s okay to let everything just sit. Does it mean I’m not a good person? No. Would I tell someone else that it’s okay to have downtime? Absolutely. So why is it so hard for me to allow myself to have it without feeling bad about it?

It’s a hard change to make. It got hard-wired in during my early 20′s, when we’re all a little chaotic inside but ultimately start forming the foundations for who we are later in life. Even if I tell myself “Tonight it’s okay to sit on the couch, eat whatever I want and watch Netflix until I fall asleep!” I still feel horribly irresponsible and GUILTY over it. I do it anyway, but there’s a lingering feeling of negativity associated with it. I’m even hesitant to post on G+ or Facebook that I’m “taking a night off” because I’m irrationally afraid someone will call me out on something I should be doing instead. Which is A LITTLE INSANE!

I’m slowly working through it. And I really believe I need those evenings/afternoons off to recharge. I just need to work on being okay with taking them.

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Passion

More than once, especially when meeting new people, I’ve been asked “What do you like to do? What are your hobbies?”

And every time, I’m instantly and completely flummoxed. Because I honestly don’t know.

This has been a problem for me for years. I like so many things and I get excited about individual things like movies or books or a fantastic shirt I found. But I wouldn’t characterize any of those things as something I’m “passionate” about.

I like art. I like to draw, doodle, paint, modge podge and create things out of other things. I get excited about new projects I find on Pinterest (oh, the never-ending event horizon that is Pinterest). But I don’t feel like I’m really passionate about creating art. I like doing it, but I don’t have to do it.

I like to cook. I LOVE to eat and I love my own cooking. I like being able to throw together ingredients and make my own versions of regular dishes. I like finding new ingredients, like quinoa, and then experimenting with them. But I’m not passionate about cooking.

I like to read. I used to be a quintessential bookworm and devoured new books within hours. I was the girl on the couch with a book whose name had to be called two or three times before I heard it because I was so engrossed. After my son was born, I didn’t have time to read anymore and I’m just now getting back into it. I’ve recently been buying audio books to listen to in the car and am enjoying that. But it doesn’t feel like a passion.

I like to write, though you wouldn’t be able to tell by my blog recently. I haven’t updated it in a long time. I think I write well and I like being able to put down my thoughts in a way that entertains someone else and makes them possibly think about the world or themselves in a slightly different way, or makes them identify with what I’ve written. But I’m not passionate about writing. I don’t have a need to do it, though I enjoy it when I do.

My boyfriend Jay’s sister asked me when she met me for the first time, “So, what do you like to do?” I looked at Jay, at a loss, and said “What DO I like to do?”

She laughed and said, “You don’t know??” and I said, “No! I can’t think of a single thing!”

Maybe my brain just doesn’t work that way. There are plenty of things I like to do that don’t fall into the category of “hobbies” or “passions”. I like to pick through antique malls and consignment shops. I like collecting antique depression glass. I like farmer’s markets and craft shows. I like live music. I like swimming, forests, cities, the beach, the night sky, watching the rain, tv shows and movies that aren’t overly serious, and astronomy. I like things that are interesting, unique or different in some way. I like cheese! These aren’t passions though!

Sometimes it seems like I’ve been searching my entire life to find the one thing that rings true with me, the one thing I’m totally passionate about doing. And I just haven’t found it. My mind seems to work in 14 different directions all at once. I tend to be fairly good at whatever I try to do and that creates a certain level of satisfaction. I just haven’t found that one thing that I’m driven to do. And sometimes it’s difficult to watch other people indulging in things they’re so obviously passionate about. It’s not jealousy, but there is a little bit of envy.

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New Software Reviews: Windows Folder Tab

My buddy Acadia Einstein of SuperficialGallery.com is guest-posting! Here is his tech-blog-style post.

Have you ever saved a bunch of pics or other files in a folder and then been totally convinced that you named it so cleverly that there is NO WAY you can forget what it is? And then later on you completely forget and stare at the folder and wonder what “Falcon” meant?

Well you could go into the folder and start looking at the files, but who has time for that? So you just go past it and then someday when your backup tells you it is going to take 17 hours you know that Falcon is to blame but you still don’t dare to delete it because it might be important.

Well, enter Windows Folder Tab with the simplest thing you could possibly imagine. When you make a folder, the program pops up a small text box allows you to add a quick description of the folder. There are a couple other fun tweaks, too (different icons, etc) but the main thing is that you get to SAY WHAT THE POINT OF THE FOLDER IS!

Later, when you mouse over it, it pops up the description. It also shows in the properties if that’s your bag. But the best part is the mouseover. Now, it is a drawback that once you are IN the folder it doesn’t tell you anything, but at least it’s a start. And the description doesn’t get indexed by Windows search (yet) but it is still better than nothing.

By the way – how crappy is it that Google Desktop Search is going away. That thing is gold!

So remember. You can add descriptions to your folders with Windows Folder Tab

And it is optional. So I don’t need to make a Description for C:\Users\Acadia\Documents\Gallery Stuff\Backups\Old\eeesoft\Log Files\Unix\Dllv because that folder it totally packed with awesome porn.

*wakes up*

Oh crap. Did I dream about that awesome piece of software that doesn’t exist again? Ugh. I will never figure out why I have a folder called “Pepperidge farm animals”

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Thoughts on Mario Kart

The other night I was playing Mario Kart Wii (and drinking) and I realized something fairly disturbing.

22087_MarioKartWiiArtworkLogosPhotos1900-03

Anyone who’s played any of the Mario games from Nintendo knows the point of the game is to rescue the Princess from Bowser, who has kidnapped her. In each subsequent version of the Mario games, Bowser’s motives differ but the problem is the same; Princess Peach has been kidnapped.

The thing I found interesting is that both Princess Peach and Bowser are racers in Mario Kart.

Looks like all the kidnappings have made her into a badass.

Looks like all the kidnappings have made her into a badass.

Serial Kidnapper but still allowed to have public interaction with his victims.

Serial Kidnapper but still allowed to have public interaction with his victims.

I’ve never been kidnapped (crosses fingers) but I imagine if I had been, the last thing on Earth I’d want to do is have to interact with whoever kidnapped me MULTIPLE TIMES. Can you imagine how awkward that must be? Bowser’s probably the kind of person who would make snide, inappropriate comments just to make Princess Peach uncomfortable and probably try to trigger her PTSD. Who knows what kind of things she endured during her repeated periods of captivity!

Plus, at the end of the races, the top 3 winners stand on podiums together in front of cheering crowds. How incredibly uncomfortable and stressful must it be for Princess Peach to potentially stand on the podium next to Bowser if they both place? What Nintendo developer thought that could possibly end well?!

Then later on, I was racing Donkey Kong’s Jungle Parkway track and wondered if bananas had a higher drop rate on Donkey Kong’s course than other courses.

Then I immediately panicked that that thought was totally racist.

I don't think he cares.

I don’t think he cares.

Kids, this is why you don’t drink and play video games.

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Why I’m Leash-Training My Cat

Crazy Cat Lady: Level Eleventy

"Hahaha, look at that cat on a leash!"

“Hahaha, look at that cat on a leash!”

Let me start out by saying I did not set out with the intention of being “The Crazy Cat Lady”, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Vash (short for Vashta Nerada) is currently 10 months old. He’s almost his full adult size, but still thinks he’s a teeny kitten and can careen all over my teeny 2/1 apartment. He’s got boundless amounts of energy that often manifest in destructive ways. I’ve bought, constructed, created and invented new and interesting toys for him to amuse himself with. I’m limited by both my budget and the fact that I rent an apartment, so there’s only so much building I can do.

He would make a great indoor/outdoor cat, but my apartment complex isn’t the safest environment for me to let him outside and feel comfortable that he won’t be run over or abused by a neighbor. Plus he has very few boundaries, so he’s likely to just wander into someone else’s apartment unannounced. “HELLO!”

I’d finally gotten fed up with his shenanigans one afternoon and bought him a cat harness and a simple lightweight leash. In my online research on how to best “wear him out”, I’d briefly run across cat leash training but dismissed it as pretty ridiculous. However, things had gotten to the point where I didn’t care how silly I/we looked. I just wanted him to SETTLE DOWN.

I snapped the harness and leash on him, scooped him up and took him outside and downstairs behind my apartment building where there’s almost no foot traffic. I set him down in the grass and waited to see what he would do.

At first, he crouched and stared. I regularly let both cats out on my balcony/porch, so he’s used to the smells outside. But being down in the dirt, grass and pine needles was a totally new experience for him. Within a few minutes, he was poking around into bushes, scratching pine trees and rolling in the dirt like a dog. I needed to run to the store to pick up cat food anyway, so I scooped him up, got my purse and keys and plopped him in the car with me.

Kitteh Joyride

Kitteh Joyride

I took him to Petco because they allow you to bring your pets in and they’re the closest place I can get Blue Buffalo cat food. (Product placement! Can I get a sponsor??!) Maybe if I fed him the cheap food, he’d get fat and lazy but look at that lustrous SHINE!

Needless to say, he was a rockstar in the store. He rode on my shoulder for a few minutes and then wanted to get down and explore. He even walked with me a little bit, let a little girl pet him and generally was a huge hit. Afterward, I rode him around in the car with me to play Ingress for a bit and when we got home, he SACKED OUT. Tired kitteh FTW!

So now I’ve taken him out a couple times. My son and I took him to the park with us this past weekend. There were a few laughs, but I let him roam around in the bushes and brambles a bit and he did just fine.

"SQUIRREL!"

“SQUIRREL!”

So while it may look odd and eccentric to have a cat outside on a leash, I feel like I’m being responsible for his well-being and also allowing him to get his little senses overstimulated and fry his indoor-kitteh brain a bit so he won’t IRRITATE THE HELL OUT OF ME ALL THE TIME. Win-win!

There’s a great article here about teaching your cat to accept a harness and leash. This is probably the best write-up I’ve found, though just about every Google result gives the same basic steps. You can’t expect a cat to trot alongside you the way a dog will, but you can teach them to slink and meander along with you without freaking out. The big bonus is that Vash loves it. He gets to “roam” outside and take the world in a bit, and I get some peace of mind.

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Doctor Who 101

Hard as it may be for any devoted Doctor Who fan to believe, some people don’t know about possibly the greatest sci-fi television show in history. I used to be one of these people myself, so I get it. On the surface, it seems silly, unrealistic and childish. But hear me out. Take a break from playing TripleTown or browsing Facebook/Google+/Reddit for just a moment and let me show you how much there is to love about this show.

The Doctor is a Time Lord, which is a long-dead race of people who were responsible for ensuring that time wasn’t altered or abused. The entire race was wiped out in the Time War with the Daleks (who my friend Brooke affectionately refers to as “The Trashcan Monsters”). The Daleks hate everything that isn’t a Dalek and their ultimate goal is to wipe out every other race in the universe.

Daleks

EXTERMINATE!

One of the themes in the show is that The Doctor himself was responsible for wiping out both races in order to end the war, and has lived with that burden for over 900 years. But wait, weren’t they wiped out? Yes, but due to multiple timelines, some survived in various ways so they’re still working on either killing or converting every living species into more Daleks.

"Excuse us. Do you have a moment to talk about Dalek conversion?"

“Excuse us. Do you have a moment to talk about Dalek conversion?”

In order to keep the show running back in the 60′s, after the original actor left, producers had The Doctor “die” and regenerate into a new body. This is why there have been so many people who’ve played The Doctor over the years. Each time the character regenerates, he has a new body and face, and has to figure out what kind of person he is. The show is currently on its eleventh Doctor, played by Matt Smith. Same man, new face and personality.

Regeneration of the 10th Doctor to the 11th.

Regeneration of the 10th Doctor to the 11th.

The first episode I watched was Blink, which ironically features very little of The Doctor himself. However, the episode illustrates very well the idea that he’s a time traveler and sometimes overlaps his own lifetime, meeting people who know him before he’s actually interacted with them. (How’s that for a mind twist?) The episode is also totally creepy, and introduces the Weeping Angels, arguably one of the best villains of the entire show. This is also where the phrase “Don’t Blink” originated.

If you blink or look away, they move. And then they get you.

If you blink or look away, they move. And then they get you.

Even if you haven’t watched Doctor Who in years, you can still catch up with it easily. Many of the episodes stand alone or are two-parters, and while it helps to know who the monsters are and to follow the series chronologically, you can still enjoy it without a lot the back story. Much of it is easy to pick up as you go along.

The Doctor almost always travels with a companion, some willing and some thrown into the story with very little choice. Usually, The Doctor will travel with the same companion(s) throughout his tenure on the show, with a few exceptions. They all bring something unique to the story though, and every fan has their favorites or that one companion they just can’t stand.

Most of the new series companions

Most of the new series companions

Doctor Who doesn’t dumb anything down for you. The Doctor is intelligent, his companions are intelligent in their own ways and the show assumes its audience is intelligent too. The writers leave clues littered around for you to pick up on throughout each season, making it the ultimate show for smart people. Many themes are repeated throughout multiple seasons and the writers are masters of the “callback”, referencing prior characters and themes.

There’s a very palpable underlying pathos to the overall storyline, as you watch The Doctor have to deal with his past, his guilt and losing people he cares about. But laid over top of that are a lot of fun one-liners and witty humor that makes the show extremely entertaining to watch. If you’re a sci-fi fan and haven’t watched any of it, I recommend giving it a shot.

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Day Brightened

I had a really rough morning today. Vash decided last night that my new-to-me leather couch was a good place to “relieve himself”, so he’s currently exiled to the back porch with food, water and litter for the day until I can pick up some cleaner. Ugh.

I spent the 20-minute drive to work in a HORRIBLE mood. I managed to get there early, so I decided “Screw it! I’m getting Starbucks!” and drove an extra two miles past work to get some breakfast and caffeine.

Starbucks

We make you feel better. And more awake.

The way the Starbucks near my work is set up, there are two entrances. So often times there are two perpendicular lines of cars that have to merge, take turns, etc., to actually get into the drive-thru lane. And a lot of times people are dicks about it. (Insert Wil Wheaton’s rule here.)

I had 2 to 3 cars behind me and 1 car perpendicular to me, waiting to pull into the drive-thru. I decided to let the woman in the perpendicular car go ahead of me, and so waved her through. The minivan behind me did that “What are you doing? Did you forget you’re in line??” scootch toward me but I was still so pissy I didn’t care.

I’M GOING TO BE NICE TO SOMEONE. LEAVE ME ALONE.

The woman that I let go ahead of me took longer than usual and was chatty with the drive-thru person, which irritated me a little because by then I was running short on time. I finally got up to the window, went to hand the drive-thru chick my card and she said “Actually, the woman ahead of you paid for your order.”

I blinked and said, “Really??”

She said “Yeah, she said you let her go ahead of you in line so I think that’s why.”

My bad mood instantly melted. It actually made me a little teary that someone would be thoughtful enough, with no prospect of thanks or reward, to pay for a stranger’s order. (I may be a little emotional today.) I know it happens, but it’s never happened to me before and it couldn’t have come at a better time.

The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe

“Don’t mind me. Just wiping tears. Nothing to see here.”

Sometimes, all it takes is a random smile or an unexpected small act of kindness to turn someone’s entire day around. You never know what other people may be dealing with and what kind of impact your actions may have on them. 

So go out and pay it forward. Or backward, if you’re buying someone’s coffee. And Unidentified Woman, if you happen to come across this post, thank you.

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Cat Ownership ROI

People have pets for several reasons. Animals as a general rule don’t get mad at you for leaving the toilet seat up or for not taking out the garbage. Each kind of animal comes with its own rewards. Furry animals tend to be pleasant to handle. Reptiles are neat to look at and satisfy a morbid curiosity about life and death, since you generally feed them live food. Fish are calming and challenging together, since they require some maintenance to keep their environment livable.

You could say that all pets have an ROI (Return On Investment). As a general rule, the positives outweigh the negatives in ownership.

I have two cats. Evie is a thirteen year old medium-hair tortoiseshell kitty I adopted from the local humane society back in 2001. She’s fat like a beach ball and is the sweetest, most lovey kitty I’ve ever seen. She follows me around the house and “talks” to me in her sweet little kitty voice. She’s never had litterbox issues and has never destroyed anything.

Evie’s ROI is very high.

Evie Kitty!

So sweet!

Then there’s Vash.

I adopted Vash as a kitten from the humane society in June of this year. I wanted to get another kitty to keep Evie company and she’s experienced at smacking kittens into shape. Little did I know what she and I both were in for.

Vashta Nerada

I mean, look at this face. I should have known.

Since he’s solid black, and because I’m a huge nerd, I named him Vashta Nerada after the carnivorous shadow creatures from Doctor Who. And since Vashta Nerada is hard to yell when you’re furious, his nickname is Vash.

I’ve owned a few kittens in the past and they all come with their own quirks and personality. Vash is an over-achiever. If you can think of a thing you’ve heard a kitten do, he’s done it. If you can think of a thing you’ve heard a dog  do, he’s probably also done it. Owning him is the equivalent of owning a Jack Russell puppy with the grace and reflexes of a cat. Following is a short list of things he either does or has done.

  • Jumps on tables and countertops
  • Destroys rolls of toilet paper
  • Steals food that is left sitting for more than ten seconds
  • Tries to “liberate” the Betta fish from his fishbowl
  • Steals cotton swabs and cotton balls
  • Steals food out of the garbage (even if it’s been sealed in plastic bags)
  • Tears open sealed garbage bags
  • Careens off walls and sliding glass doors at a level of 4-5 feet
  • Steals jewelry
  • Shreds plastic shower curtain liners
  • Chews on shoes
  • Steals and destroys straws
  • Irritates Evie to the point of “hissing matches”
Vashta Nerada

Oh hai! I am an unholy terror!

He does have his positives.

  • He’s extremely adorable.
  • He purrs CONSTANTLY
Carnage

This one was discovered fairly quickly. The carnage has been worse.

Vash’s ROI is currently low.

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