Today is what I like to call one of those “The world is too much for me today” days. I have very little problem-solving ability currently (attributable to hormonal flux). It’s weird. I can feel it when it starts and internally say to myself “Uh oh. Oh god.”
Today I was walking through the Publix parking lot and one of the cart boys (a very LARGE framed cart boy) was kind of looking at me, so I looked back and smiled politely. Then he started talking to me and he was mildly retarded. And I panicked. Normally I wouldn’t but I looked for reserves of social grace and found the tanks empty. So I fled for the store, collected myself and went to get sushi. And of course, the sushi place was deserted and almost devoid of food. I stared at the meager selection for what had to have been 10 minutes, trying really hard to make a decision and finally just grabbed something with lots of cream cheese in it. I went to pay and stood in line for what seemed like an ETERNITY behind a little old man who was oblivious to the fact that he was completely blocking the card reader even though he had already finished paying with his check and asking about stamps and whether Publix had outgoing mail service. He finally moved, I swiped my card and stepped out in front of ANOTHER little old man who said “Ooops!” and cackled with the creepiest little old man laugh I have EVER heard in my ENTIRE life. I fled out the doors only to run into the mildly retarded cart boy who was on his way in with about 15 shopping carts and wanted to talk to me again. I almost-ran to the car, started to pull out and saw an advertisement on the side of a Scion or some other boxy-looking vehicle for an organic something-or-other company. The enormous ad was a little girl with her tongue stuck out with this dark green CRAP all over it which was completely horrible looking, and the slogan was “Don’t panic! We’re organic!”
It felt like something out of a Stephen King novel. I’m done with today. I want to go home. I’ll be fine in a few hours but I really want to crawl in bed and watch Netflix or do something that doesn’t require any higher brain functions.
Also, the place on my bottle of SmartWater where you drink out of smells like a dog and it’s kind of freaking me out except that I’m thirsty so my thirst is overriding my concern for the moment. (I can’t imagine Jennifer Aniston would allow dogs at the bottling facility. She seems smarter than that.)