I don’t always have bar adventures…

…but when I do, I make sure they’re hilarious.

Last night I had gone to watch my favorite cover band perform at a local Irish pub. The singer’s girlfriend and the drummer’s wife are great friends of mine and we were sitting at a high-top table near the bar where we could watch the band play and people watch while catching up.

I was approached by a very tall dude who said he saw me texting (per the norm) and wanted to ask a favor. Apparently he was waiting for a blind date to show up. He’d met this girl online but this was the first time they were meeting face to face. He asked if I could text him to provide him an “out” if things didn’t go well.

My “I’m being hit on” senses started tingling so I asked what the girl looked like. He brought up her OKCupid profile on his phone and showed me several photos in the classic Myspacey “I’m taking this picture at this angle because it’s the only flattering angle for my face” style. One of the other girls peeked over and I explained to her what was going on. She looked at the pictures and said “Oh wow. Yeah, that could go either way.”

What's scarier than meeting someone at a bar? Meeting someone from the internet at a bar.

I’m a pretty agreeable person and I get excited about stupid things, so I texted him the following:

We’re going to Monkey’s Uncle in just a bit. You should come by.

He saved my number under a fake dude name, thanked me and went back to the bar armed and looking slightly more at ease. However, the girls and I were fully invested in the story at this point and there was no way we were going to just let it go.

Finally, the chick showed up. To her credit, she did look like her profile pictures but she was very tall and a little…masculine. Not really in the “I’m a cross-dresser” way, but more in the “this might hurt a bit” way. By this point, we were decently drunk and probably staring holes through her as we whispered back and forth, trying to figure out how the date was going.

The dude gave us a look but we couldn’t tell whether it was the “I’m out of here” look or the “I’m getting laid tonight” look. So naturally, we decided that he needed to seal the deal.

Shannon, the singer’s girlfriend, is drunkenly fearless and uber cute. She decided to go up to him and give him a BIG HUG and exclaim loudly, “HEY! Ohmygod, it’s so great to SEE YOU! How have you BEEN?? Who is your friend? Okay, I just wanted to say HI!”

Unfortunately, dude either didn’t pick up on what she was doing or things were NOT going well. Shannon came back to our table laughing that the chick was not impressed and she thought she’d embarrassed him.

We started making exaggerated gestures across the bar, telling him that he needed to go for it. We were like air marshalls. All we needed were glow sticks and we could have landed a 747 on the bar.

"Tower 1, tower 1, requesting clearance to land."

He kept trying to wave us off and every time the chick turned around, we’d dramatically pretend we were stretching or playing with our hair.

Before he left, he came by and said he felt bad because he used his “out” and told her he was meeting up with friends.

BUT! They left together.

I like to think we had a hand in helping a budding romance blossom.

Or destroyed one. Maybe.

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6 Responses to I don’t always have bar adventures…

  1. Simple Dude says:

    That is an awesome story… sounds like a funny scene in a movie – a movie I’d actually want to see, unlike a lot of the half ass comedies that have been coming out lately.

    SD

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    • tgnp says:

      Thanks! It was definitely more fun for us than him, I think. And that’s what really matters.

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  2. And that’s how that man learned to never ask a stranger for help.

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  3. Sean says:

    I agree, I’d go see that movie. That dude is a double winner! Not only did your story immortalize him (well, for us anyway) BUT he proabably also got so sweet, albeit probably painful, loving’ from a stranger! WINNING!

    As a follow up I think you should tell us who woud play you and your friends in the movie. For the guy I’m gonna go ahead and cast Seth Rogen and for his date, Chyna of WWE fame. Thanks!

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  4. tgnp says:

    Playing the part of Christy: Zooey Deschanel
    Playing the part of Shannon: Kaley Cuoco

    But I think you’re spot on with Seth Rogan and Chyna. I’d pay to see that date in action.

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