Naturally, I was rushed to the emergency room where I was forced to swallow tiny paper cups of charcoal and copious amounts of tap water. I distinctly remember the feeling of my throat hurting (maybe from swallowing the charcoal?) and at the tender age of five I swore off drinking water FOREVER.
It used to be a losing battle to get me to drink water, even as an adult. I love juice, tea, kool-aid, etc but water was just gross. If I drank even a glass of water, I would get the same psychosomatic hurty sensation in my throat and wouldn’t be able to finish it.
Most people will tell you that bottled water has no taste so therefore it can’t “taste nasty”. Those people are WRONG. Bottled water can taste like utter crap and most of it does.
“This well-known bottled water brand produced by PepsiCo is derived from a municipal source and goes through a purification process that uses charcoal filtration, reverse-osmosis, ozonination and other elements of the process. During purification, virtually all of the natural minerals are removed from the water, giving it a light, mellow taste.”
Translation: It’s purified tap water. Its “light, mellow taste” is reminiscent of dirt and heavy metals. In fact, there’s nothing “light” about it. It’s absolutely terrible.
“Coca-Cola’s flagship purified bottled water brand is also derived from a municipal source and undergoes a reverse-osmosis-based purification process. However, Dasani® gets a blend of minerals added back after the purification process, giving it a crisp taste.”
Translation: More purified tap water. The taste is about as crisp as drinking out of your garden hose, but without the added benefit of algae and bacteria. Also, terrible.
Zephyrhills is tolerable. It still has an underlying “bad” taste to it, but it’s slight and if it’s cold enough, you don’t notice much. Plus it has the added benefit of being actual spring water rather than municipal water.
Evian is over-priced and doesn’t taste any better than Zephyrhills. It does make you look like a hoity-toity bitch when you carry the bottle around, though, so if that’s the look you’re going for and you can afford the extra change, don’t let me stop you.
Now we’re talking! Fiji water actually comes from an aquifer on the island of Fiji and actually has very little taste at all. It is considerably more palatable than any of the other naturally-sourced waters, probably because it’s naturally infused with the essence of hibiscus flowers and ocean air. Still a bit pricey but you’re at least getting your money’s worth.
This is my new addiction, surprisingly enough. I am absolutely hooked on SmartWater. It contains “vapor-distilled water, calcium chloride and magnesium chloride and potassium bicarbonate (electrolyte sources*) *electrolytes added for taste” which sounds like it should taste exactly like public drinking fountain water, but IT DOESN’T. I can drink this stuff even after it’s been sitting in the heat of the car all weekend.
Plus, Jennifer Aniston.
(If Youtube is being a douchebag and not showing my embedded video, refresh the page and it will show up.
Y MUST U BE A DOUCHEBAG, YOUTUBE??!)
With all that said, all I really wanted to do was rant about how terrible Aquafina and Dasani are, and wonder why anyone drinks either of them.
Also, I think the SmartWater is working. Do I look smarter to you?