The Absolute Worst Thing You Can Do With Fingernail Polish in a Grocery Store

I’m probably one of the most infuriating people to shop with in the entire world. I cannot seem to go into a store to grab one thing without stopping (sometimes very suddenly right in front of people) to look at ten other things that catch my eye. It’s like I’m playing “Mother May I” with every marketing and ad company in existence.

One such occasion, I was at the grocery store with my husband and our son. I was dawdling, per the norm, and my husband was pushing the cart full of child and groceries a few feet ahead of me.

I stopped to look at a display full of bottles of nail polish. I had recently discovered a color that I was infatuated with and thought I’d spotted a bottle of it in the display.

Siberian Nights by OPI - Also known as "HOLY CRAPS THAT'S DARK, YO"

Since I live in Florida and it wasn’t January, I was wearing flip-flops and my newly-colored dark purple toes were available to compare and confirm that this was, in fact, the correct color. I reached out to pick up the bottle.

And fumbled it.

Have I mentioned that I’m also clumsy?

Time suddenly slowed down as I watched the bottle of very dark colored fingernail polish slip from my grasp and enter free-fall. I distinctly remember thinking to myself “Oh no. This is going to be bad.”

I am 5’8″ tall. Apparently, dropping a small glass bottle from chest-high gives it enough time to reach terminal velocity.

"Doo doo doo doooooooooo!"

The bottle hit the floor directly between my feet and shattered into a bajillion pieces. Fingernail polish gooped and splattered EVERYWHERE.

You may be thinking to yourself “That’s not so bad. I’ve dropped and broken jars of pickles/mayonnaise/peaches/etc in the grocery store before. All you do is find someone to clean it up.”

You would be WRONG.

One of the interesting properties about fingernail polish is that it’s not water-soluble. And it’s sticky. And goopy. And doesn’t like to be removed from ANYTHING. I couldn’t just walk away from the spill. It was all over my legs and feet. I would have left a trail of incriminating dark purple footprints all the way to the car.

I looked up to see both my husband and a customer service dude staring at me, open-mouthed. The dude managed to stammer out “Do you need some paper towels??”

We had to break open two full bottles of acetone (which were conveniently located nearby) in order for me to clean myself up enough to pay for our groceries and leave the store. Even the acetone couldn’t completely erase the faint but large purple stain on the linoleum floor in front of the display.

Some of the aftermath

You’ll be happy to hear that I recently regained the privilege of being allowed to pick up bottles of nail polish once again!

Also, the stain on the linoleum is almost gone!

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 5.0/5 (1 vote cast)
The Absolute Worst Thing You Can Do With Fingernail Polish in a Grocery Store, 5.0 out of 5 based on 1 rating
Want to share?
This entry was posted in Ramblings and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Absolute Worst Thing You Can Do With Fingernail Polish in a Grocery Store

  1. This makes me feel much better about the bottle of salsa I shattered at the grocery store a few months ago.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)
  2. DGFV says:

    Ha. Only you.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0 (from 0 votes)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.