Cat Ownership ROI

People have pets for several reasons. Animals as a general rule don’t get mad at you for leaving the toilet seat up or for not taking out the garbage. Each kind of animal comes with its own rewards. Furry animals tend to be pleasant to handle. Reptiles are neat to look at and satisfy a morbid curiosity about life and death, since you generally feed them live food. Fish are calming and challenging together, since they require some maintenance to keep their environment livable.

You could say that all pets have an ROI (Return On Investment). As a general rule, the positives outweigh the negatives in ownership.

I have two cats. Evie is a thirteen year old medium-hair tortoiseshell kitty I adopted from the local humane society back in 2001. She’s fat like a beach ball and is the sweetest, most lovey kitty I’ve ever seen. She follows me around the house and “talks” to me in her sweet little kitty voice. She’s never had litterbox issues and has never destroyed anything.

Evie’s ROI is very high.

So sweet!

Then there’s Vash.

I adopted Vash as a kitten from the humane society in June of this year. I wanted to get another kitty to keep Evie company and she’s experienced at smacking kittens into shape. Little did I know what she and I both were in for.

I mean, look at this face. I should have known.

Since he’s solid black, and because I’m a huge nerd, I named him Vashta Nerada after the carnivorous shadow creatures from Doctor Who. And since Vashta Nerada is hard to yell when you’re furious, his nickname is Vash.

I’ve owned a few kittens in the past and they all come with their own quirks and personality. Vash is an over-achiever. If you can think of a thing you’ve heard a kitten do, he’s done it. If you can think of a thing you’ve heard a dog  do, he’s probably also done it. Owning him is the equivalent of owning a Jack Russell puppy with the grace and reflexes of a cat. Following is a short list of things he either does or has done.

• Jumps on tables and countertops
• Destroys rolls of toilet paper
• Steals food that is left sitting for more than ten seconds
• Tries to “liberate” the Betta fish from his fishbowl
• Steals cotton swabs and cotton balls
• Steals food out of the garbage (even if it’s been sealed in plastic bags)
• Tears open sealed garbage bags
• Careens off walls and sliding glass doors at a level of 4-5 feet
• Steals jewelry
• Shreds plastic shower curtain liners
• Chews on shoes
• Steals and destroys straws
• Irritates Evie to the point of “hissing matches”

Oh hai! I am an unholy terror!

He does have his positives.

• He’s extremely adorable.
• He purrs CONSTANTLY
• …

This one was discovered fairly quickly. The carnage has been worse.

Vash’s ROI is currently low.

Want to share?