Thoughts on Mario Kart

The other night I was playing Mario Kart Wii (and drinking) and I realized something fairly disturbing.


Anyone who’s played any of the Mario games from Nintendo knows the point of the game is to rescue the Princess from Bowser, who has kidnapped her. In each subsequent version of the Mario games, Bowser’s motives differ but the problem is the same; Princess Peach has been kidnapped.

The thing I found interesting is that both Princess Peach and Bowser are racers in Mario Kart.

Looks like all the kidnappings have made her into a badass.

Looks like all the kidnappings have made her into a badass.

Serial Kidnapper but still allowed to have public interaction with his victims.

Serial Kidnapper but still allowed to have public interaction with his victims.

I’ve never been kidnapped (crosses fingers) but I imagine if I had been, the last thing on Earth I’d want to do is have to interact with whoever kidnapped me MULTIPLE TIMES. Can you imagine how awkward that must be? Bowser’s probably the kind of person who would make snide, inappropriate comments just to make Princess Peach uncomfortable and probably try to trigger her PTSD. Who knows what kind of things she endured during her repeated periods of captivity!

Plus, at the end of the races, the top 3 winners stand on podiums together in front of cheering crowds. How incredibly uncomfortable and stressful must it be for Princess Peach to potentially stand on the podium next to Bowser if they both place? What Nintendo developer thought that could possibly end well?!

Then later on, I was racing Donkey Kong’s Jungle Parkway track and wondered if bananas had a higher drop rate on Donkey Kong’s course than other courses.

Then I immediately panicked that that thought was totally racist.

I don't think he cares.

I don’t think he cares.

Kids, this is why you don’t drink and play video games.

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4 Responses to Thoughts on Mario Kart

  1. They actually explored this in an episode of Law and Order: SVU. Turns out Luigi was getting paid off to tell Bowser where Peach was hiding. Then Ice-T looked disgusted. And Mariska Hargitay looked buxom and Chris Meloni looked cool.

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  2. Eva says:

    Heh. Maybe Peach appreciates the opportunity to come back and settle the score by kicking his ass at Mario Kart! :-)

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  3. Stacy says:

    Giving Princesses a bad name since haplessly ever after

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  4. Dydan Waters says:

    Maybe this is supposed to be some deep metaphor for Life. I’m not sure what the message is though. Maybe that Princess Peach needs to find a better set of friends?

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