And every time, I’m instantly and completely flummoxed. Because I honestly don’t know.
This has been a problem for me for years. I like so many things and I get excited about individual things like movies or books or a fantastic shirt I found. But I wouldn’t characterize any of those things as something I’m “passionate” about.
I like art. I like to draw, doodle, paint, modge podge and create things out of other things. I get excited about new projects I find on Pinterest (oh, the never-ending event horizon that is Pinterest). But I don’t feel like I’m really passionate about creating art. I like doing it, but I don’t have to do it.
I like to cook. I LOVE to eat and I love my own cooking. I like being able to throw together ingredients and make my own versions of regular dishes. I like finding new ingredients, like quinoa, and then experimenting with them. But I’m not passionate about cooking.
I like to read. I used to be a quintessential bookworm and devoured new books within hours. I was the girl on the couch with a book whose name had to be called two or three times before I heard it because I was so engrossed. After my son was born, I didn’t have time to read anymore and I’m just now getting back into it. I’ve recently been buying audio books to listen to in the car and am enjoying that. But it doesn’t feel like a passion.
I like to write, though you wouldn’t be able to tell by my blog recently. I haven’t updated it in a long time. I think I write well and I like being able to put down my thoughts in a way that entertains someone else and makes them possibly think about the world or themselves in a slightly different way, or makes them identify with what I’ve written. But I’m not passionate about writing. I don’t have a need to do it, though I enjoy it when I do.
My boyfriend Jay’s sister asked me when she met me for the first time, “So, what do you like to do?” I looked at Jay, at a loss, and said “What DO I like to do?”
She laughed and said, “You don’t know??” and I said, “No! I can’t think of a single thing!”
Maybe my brain just doesn’t work that way. There are plenty of things I like to do that don’t fall into the category of “hobbies” or “passions”. I like to pick through antique malls and consignment shops. I like collecting antique depression glass. I like farmer’s markets and craft shows. I like live music. I like swimming, forests, cities, the beach, the night sky, watching the rain, tv shows and movies that aren’t overly serious, and astronomy. I like things that are interesting, unique or different in some way. I like cheese! These aren’t passions though!
Sometimes it seems like I’ve been searching my entire life to find the one thing that rings true with me, the one thing I’m totally passionate about doing. And I just haven’t found it. My mind seems to work in 14 different directions all at once. I tend to be fairly good at whatever I try to do and that creates a certain level of satisfaction. I just haven’t found that one thing that I’m driven to do. And sometimes it’s difficult to watch other people indulging in things they’re so obviously passionate about. It’s not jealousy, but there is a little bit of envy.